Sometimes you see things or read things or hear things that change your life. I had one of those times today. I realized something about myself and knew that I needed to change right now! Not tomorrow. Not next week. Today. But I didn’t know how. It was one of those things that is so hard to change because it hurts too much, it really just takes the hand of grace reaching down and fixing it for you, just because you asked him to. That’s how it was today, a complete change of heart and a new feeling of peace and happiness. I’m grateful for grace, for the love of God, just because he made me and not because I deserve it. I love him for it.
On a different note, after much thought and journal writing, I finally figured out what’s been eating me, and I’m now, finally, very very excited to move and experience all of the changes and challenges ahead (and have all my dreams of land and gardens and farm houses come true!) and live here for a long time…
On another different note, do you think that God laughs? I’m fairly certain I hear him laughing at me everyday and I think he might send angels down to pull pranks on me and then I hear a whole chorus of laughter. It makes me laugh, too, so I’m okay with being teased by sneaky little angels, but I feel like it’s a little bit unfair because I can’t fight back very well. But I do a pretty good job whining and sassing which makes up for my deficiencies in other areas. 
I’m pretty sure I’m the most irreligious God fearing woman I know, but I’m working on it. Sort of. I actually think that God is pretty fond of me the way that I am, he just wants to run me through the fire at a thousand degrees a few hundred times to work out any impurities. It’s awesome. Then he jokes about later, and I laugh, too. “Remember that time you were trying to cross the Mexican border and you were temporarily paralyzed from the neck down and your pants started falling off as your husband dragged you through customs. ha ha ha, ho ho, hee hee hee.” he’s says. “Yeah, I remember,” I reply. “Oh, that was a good one!” and he wipes a tear from his eye. I do love laughing. Maybe that’s why God sticks with me in spite of my repeated blunders: everybody loves a person who will laugh at their jokes, or at themselves, or just because laughing is fun (but not make fun of other people, because that isn’t funny, it just hurts peoples feelings. There’s a fine line.) I think that that is pretty much what God was trying to teach me all along: Lighten up, don’t take yourself so seriously, life is funny, even when it’s hard. Sometimes it so hard, it’s just ridiculous, and you just have to laugh, and sometimes (like right now) I’m just deliriously tired and my kids asking for a drink makes me laugh that crazy little laugh that often coincides with an eye twitch…That’s why I’m going to be done typing now, and just go to sleep.
Good Night.
XoxxOOxoXXoooooXx
“…my life is good. real good.”
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